please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
