woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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