our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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