Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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