god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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