Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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