i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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