Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
