Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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