I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
