apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
