Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
