I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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