woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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