sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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