I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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