Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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