It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
