Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
