perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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