I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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