Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
