i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
