I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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