I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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