Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
