sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
