careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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