Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
