Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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