Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
