dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Randomize
