he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
