I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
