dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
