she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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