You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
