bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
