just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
