Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
