I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
