she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
