took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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