I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
