saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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