Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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