he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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