Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
