I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
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Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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