So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
