btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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