I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Randomize
