My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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