K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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