How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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