And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
"it" just moved
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
