I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
operation harelip BJ is a go
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
