yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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