Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
