What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
