I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
