my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my poor anus
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
