I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
