Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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