After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
