He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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