I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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