You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
