We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
