In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
