I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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