So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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